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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Bike Humor

It has been a pretty serious week. Thankfully a reader was kind enough to send in a little cycling humor to lighten the mood. A little humor can go a long way. Thanks S-S!

Pig! Pig!
The other day on a ride, I was speeding down a narrow, twisting, mountain road. Then along comes a woman who was driving very slowly uphill toward me, honking her horn and shouting at me.

"PIG! PIG!!" she yelled. "PIG! PIG!!"

So I flipped her the finger and shouted back some things I dare not repeat as I buzzed by her.

Still thinking about this awful woman and her shouting, I turned the corner and promptly collided with a pig.

A Nerd and His New Bike
A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A Cyclist in Heaven
A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gate. First thing the cyclist askes is if there are bicycles in heaven.

"Sure," says St. Peter, "let me show you," and he leads the guy into the finest Velodrome you can imagine.

"This is great," the cyclist says.

"It certainly is," says St. Peter. "You will have a custom bike and the best cycling clothes you've ever seen, and your personal masseuse will always be available."

As they speak a blur streaks by them on the boards riding a gold plated Cinelli.

"Wow!" the cyclist exclaims. "That guy was so fast that can only be Eddy Merckx!"

"No," says St. Peter, "that was God, he only thinks he's Eddy Merckx".

Problem Dog
"I've really had it with my dog," said the first guy to his neighbor. "He'll chase anyone on a bicycle"

"Hmmm, that is a problem," said the neighbor. "What are you thinking of doing about it?"

"Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!"

A Tough Climb on a Tandem
Jack and Jill have just climbed Le Alp de Huez, one of the steepest peaks in the Alps on their tandem.

"Phew, that was a tough climb" said Jack, leaning over, breathing hard. "That climb was so hard, and we were going so slow, I thought we were never going to make it."

"Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on," said Jill, "or we'd have slid all the way back down!"

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